Personal: Sore Spots in my Psyche

Alright. So, what's been bothering me lately? Too much. It's all stuck in my psyche and bringing me down. I haven't ever let myself be honest about what's bothering me. I dunno. I've never allowed myself to not like something -- to have an opinion or preference that might lead to the disapproval of others. GASP! I would never say or do anything that someone might disapprove of. My world would come crashing down.

So in an effort to be especially candid and forthright (not like anyone reads this). I'll just...shout. shout. and let it all out (wow, that's actually a pretty sad song!).

Watch out -- this could get ugly.

I'm fat. Not just chubby. Fat. My whole life. Have I been able to lose the weight? Nope. Guilt and shame bring it on!

My business. It could be something wonderful. Where's the time? I have read a little of "E-Myth" and it has shed some light on why I might have a hard time working on my business instead of just for it.

I need to pay my car's registration. Last year, I paid it six months late lol. Not good.

Why is it so hard for me to tend to my life? It's like that weird circumstance where it's easy to clean someone else's house, but keeping mine clean?! Yeah Right! ok, so maybe it's just me on that one. But seriously (hey...maybe THAT'S my problem! lol) I'm controlling. I feel productive improving your life -- but in reality you had to do the hard work, I was just bossy. I was thinking about the whole plankeye thing the other night. It's awfully easy to condemn and control you for the speck of dust in your own eye when I've neglected the plank in my own eye. My sister used to say, "Your shit stinks just like the rest of us." lol she was so right. This is prolly the biggest frustration in my life right now. I can admit that my life has become unmanageable, but still giving up control is a whole different matter.

Meditation. Here's a big, fat "SHOULD" hanging over my head. Guilt, shame, condemnation. Good lord. Beating myself up for avoiding spending time with my Daddy. I'm sure He doesn't have anything to do with my beating myself up. He loves me. I forget that. What's it like for my Daddy to love me so much he just wants to be around me? I wish I knew.